Never Get Your Revenge In Public

Settling a score in public is like playing a game of Russian roulette; sure, you can win (if you're lucky), but the downside is that you can end up dead. I've always preached that revenge is always best served discreetly, and that's what today's lesson is all about.

Public revenge has its advantages, no doubt about it; especially when you want your message to be heard loud and clear. But people usually screw up when they try to publicly humiliate (or execute) someone. So why not leave that mess to the pros, and take care of your mess in private?

example of settling a beef

The best way to illustrate my point is with a little story. A good friend of mine, let's call him Antoni, from another famiglia was "retiring" from "Our Thing" recently, so members of his crew decided to throw him a little party to celebrate his retirement and his return to Italy.

Since Antoni and I go way back, I was invited to this little party for about 100 people to celebrate Antoni's departure (and the fact that he was leaving La Cosa Nostra on his own terms -- believe you me, that's impressive). Unfortunately, the night took a turn for the worst.

Antoni was a capo in his Family, where he managed his Family's interests in an out-of-state city. He always did a great job, but the Boss of the Family felt he didn't need him anymore; he thought he could run his Family's interests from 1,000 miles away in his own city.

Basically, he was phasing Antoni out and "knocking down" his crew. Antoni's crew wasn't happy about the fact that they would be taking orders from a new capo who was a 16-hour drive away, and who wouldn't understand the daily problems they might bump into. This, to me, was a very reasonable concern and a legitimate beef.

verbal attacks

So, what happened? During the party, the master of ceremonies, a loyal soldier of Antoni's, used the microphone to voice his disappointment in an indirect, but very clear, way. He sought to embarrass the Boss by referring to the huge problems they now face and how New York was ignoring their needs, blah, blah, blah.

Antoni's supporters applauded his every word -- loudly. The problem was that the MC was settling a score he had no business settling in public, at least not if he appreciated breathing.

The Boss then got on stage, and, instead of giving a tribute to Antoni, retorted on the MC's accusations, adding a few token words about Antoni before sitting back down. Needless to say, he was about ready to put a few people out to pasture.

Then Antoni got up on stage, and instead of thanking his guests and sharing a few memories, he issued a thinly veiled threat to the Boss of the Family about his safety if anyone in his crew should suddenly meet with an unfortunate accident.

With the exception of a few of Antoni's crew members, the rest of his guests felt very uncomfortable, since they were caught in a matter that should have been resolved behind closed doors. Worst of all, no score was settled, and no revenge was exacted. Antoni and his crew's attempt at publicly questioning their Boss' decision did nothing but ensure that they were about to get whacked.

This is obviously an example of what not to do...

examples of settling a score

People try to settle scores in all kinds of ways. I've seen just about all the variations of a "settlement." Some are successful, some are not, but with a few exceptions, none end up bloodier or messier than the ones where people try to settle scores publicly.

Some have tried doing it during a speech, but unless the guy was Slick Willie Clinton, most people just aren't smart enough, witty enough, or persuasive enough to pull off a good public cutdown.

Some have tried to do it in front of a small group of people like their crew, friends or family. This never works because you end up forcing people to either praise you or condemn you for whatever stupidity you are trying to prove. More often than not, you come out looking like a bastardo who is saying bad things about good old Uncle Charlie, the gambling philandering piece of merda who owes you money.

You can do it at a public event, like when you are inaugurating the new Italian community center (there will always be a big crowd for that one), or when you are doing an interview on television for Columbus Day. Whatever.

You can humiliate your target. You can embarrass him in front of people who are important to him. You can bankrupt him. You can destroy his reputation. You can imprison him. You can beat the living crap out of him. You can ice him in front of his children. The list goes on and on.

why is it a stupid move?

You can do a lot of things when you think about it, but what the hell for? Why would you be so stupid? When I get my revenge, I make it permanent, but since not all of you are blessed with the resources I have at my disposal, your "victim" will usually remember what you did to him for a very long time, just like you'll remember what he did to you.

Anybody who is on the other side of a settled score already feels like the world's tiniest piece of crap. What happens when you add insult to injury by doing it publicly? You put salt in the wound, yeah, but you also increase the hatred your victim has for you.

You see, humiliating him publicly will do one of two things:

1- It will serve as a lesson that he shouldn't mess with you; or,
2- It will serve as his motivation to destroy you. Every time he needs focus in his life, he'll think of the day you humiliated him.

Why else is it a stupid move?

You show weakness by resorting to public revenge. You create anxiety and discomfort for the "witnesses." You can lose a lot of points by putting people in situations they don't want to be in. Because of the spontaneous nature of a public confrontation, emotions are usually involved. When emotions creep up, you make mistakes -- mistakes that can cost you big time. When it's a verbal confrontation, you and your victim end up looking like school kids unless you have the wit of a Mark Twain to put your enemy in his place. People are much more willing to concede defeat in private. In private, there are a lot of creative ways to eliminate a problem; ways you just can't implement in front of too many witnesses.

Is it ever okay to destroy someone in public?

when should you settle a score?

I have to admit; there are advantages to settling a score in public. You have two big obstacles though. The first is execution; your plan has to be perfect. Your second obstacle is making sure that there won't be any retaliation from your opponent. This, again, forces you to find "permanent" solutions to your dilemma. If you can't find a permanent solution, then have a backup plan for what may follow. Keeping a few of your beefy friends around you can't hurt.

You should only settle a score in public when:

You want to set an example by punishing someone because of a mistake they made, because of a betrayal, or because the stupid cafone is lazier than my grandfather's old donkey.

You want to get a message across. I don't only mean icing someone so everyone knows you're a tough guy. There are many reasons why you would want to deliver a message. Remember; you don't necessarily have to hit your intended target to make your point loud and clear. If someone in your crew hasn't been performing up to par lately, fire someone you don't give a damn about, just so your crew knows that you are not afraid to cut them if they don't please you.

Other than that, take care of your problems outside of the public eye. Why draw unnecessary attention to yourself? Even in the above situations, you have to be careful with your timing. Don't do it at your opponent's daughter's wedding or at his child's baptism. You'll gain no sympathy.

how to settle your score

I enjoy my freedom, so I'm not going to go into detail about how you can take care of your problems, but I can point you in the right direction:

Settle it man to man

Interpret that whichever way you want. You can talk with him or bring along your Louisville slugger; pick your poison.

Do it through a capable middleman

If you can figure out a way for someone to do your dirty work for you, while keeping your fingernails clean and getting your sweet revenge, then you get the best of both worlds.

Call in a favor

If certain people owe you favors, this is the time to call in such favors.

Get him where it hurts

Empty his wallet and destroy his reputation. Never touch another man's family unless his family comes after you.

end of story

Trust me on this. Leave public revenge to the pros. Read The Count of Monte Cristo or something. You'll see that you don't need an audience to redeem yourself.

Watch your backs and keep your noses clean.